Yes I know, I’m lame. First post and everyone else has posted very in-depth, insightful, highly researched posts about important issues. Well I’m not going down that road at all at the moment. My first post is going to be about something that has been on my mind for nearly a week now. That’s right folks, it’s a food post and more specifically it’s a smoothie post. Whoo Hoo! Get ready kids cause I’m gonna put the mmmm and oooo back in (wait for it….) smmmmoooothie. haha oh i love myself.
Living as I do in Washington and/or Oregon, there is an abundance of fresh wonderful food, especially now at the end of summer. I mean it’s literally all around me. Let me paint you a little picture. I step out into the cool summer morning, fog is slowly creeping across the top of the evergreen trees, the birds are chirping, the horses are grazing in the pasture, and the chickens are shitting everywhere (free range is a bitch). And now I’m hungry. But soft what light through yonder window breaks. Why it is the light from our apple trees. Okay they don’t glow but come on we have apple trees, that’s pretty cool huh. And if apples aren’t your cup of tea well we also have a yellow plum tree. I never even knew there were yellow plums! Still not satiated? Then please direct your attention to the abundant blackberries that grow everywhere around here. I have literally been slapped in the face by these plants (on a run down the road). They are begging to be eaten and around the northwest they grow all up and down the roads. But don’t eat those ones because they might have been sprayed. Luckily, this frugal lady has picked some (8lbs) from our yard just for you to enjoy. And that my friends brings me to my smmmoooothie.
1 Banana (fresh or frozen)
2 or 3 Kale Leaves (no ribs)
1 cup or so of Blueberries (fresh or frozen)
1 cup or so of Blackberries (fresh or frozen)
Splishy Splash of Milk (almond and soy are my personal favorites. If you use coconut milk then use a splish and not a splash, that shit is strong)
Like you really need them. It’s a smoothie. But for you beginners out there, here they are:
Put all of the ingredients in a blender or food processor, put the lid on, and press the button.
Yay!! You’ve made a smoothie! Now just put a straw in it and enjoy. Now some things to be said about this smoothie. It tastes great, no bones about it. However, if you are a child you might have problems with the texture as blackberries have seeds and kale doesn’t get pulverized into oblivion unless you have a juicer or a really n$ce blender. If you are an adult and have a problem with texture, grow up. If you are a child then feel free to strain the smoothie. I don’t because it’s a bitch and I’m an adult. Smoothies are not milkshakes. Smoothies are a great way to enjoy amazing food like kale or spinach or fruit in liquid form. Give it a try, you will like it. Not because I’m a magician but because things like berries and kale are a really good combination. Nature makes it good, smoothie makes it fun.
I want to mention that this smoothie was made with no added sugar, no dairy products, and one fucking fantastic vegetable. So be proud of yourself, you made a great decision to make this smoothie and yes it tastes so good. Now I know some of you out there are like,” Alina what the fuck. Blueberries are expensive and blackberries don’t grow in my yard, you braggadocious skank.” Yes I know, my grandparents have a blueberry farm so I’m sitting on 30lbs or so of blueberries in my freezer. But don’t let the high price of blueberries stop you from enjoying your smoothie! Smoothie is synonymous with substitute. In other words, fuck that shit I’m using strawberries. Or fuck that shit I’m using cantaloupe. Anybody got a mango? The possibilities are endless. Experiment and try things out. Now my children go forth into the great wide world of food and fuck some shit up.
Berry Kale Smoothie