First comes love, then comes…

When I began dating my ex, I knew, even then, we would never get married. I knew we wouldn’t last forever. However, there was a moment, a year or so after being together that I looked at this person, the first person I had ever been in love with, and I thought (for some emotionally driven reason) Yes, we should get married and be in love and happily ever after the end. In fact, I don’t think anyone knows this except for he and I, but I proposed to him. I literally got on my knees and said we should be married one day. He said no.

I can hear you collectively ask, “You asked him to marry you, he said no, and you stayed together? For 3 more years?!” That sure is a judgmental tone you have there, nameless collective I’ve made up for this blog.
But yes, I thought of marriage as a mystical end all be all that young women are supposed to work toward. Tyler, as I said, is my first love, and naturally I assumed he was it for me. It’s been four months since the break up/move out/life change, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the night I asked him to legally and spiritually merge himself to me… forever. I’ve been thinking about this and I can’t express the happiness I have that he did say no.

Many people I know are married. My parents have been married since they were teenagers (literally), my sister is married, most of the people I work with are married, and so on. I have nothing against these people. If people want to be married, do it. I think it’s beautiful they have met someone so special they want to make a promise to only be with that one other person for the rest of the time they are alive. Myself, however, will probably not do it.

This statement will probably upset a lot of people, but here’s what I think. The concept of marriage is outdated. Extremely so. The idea of attaching yourself legally to one other person, promising to grow at the same rate, in the same way, not make a mistake with another person (even if it doesn’t feel like a mistake and feels natural)… FOREVER.

Glad to put this into perspective for you.

That’s a long ass time. It’s your entire life. The whole time you were given to live on this planet and experience absolutely everything you possibly can. And you are making an oath to do this with ONE other person. And what kills me is that a large number of people that marry (first marriage, that is), do it very early in life (the average age for women in the U.S. is 26 which has gone significantly up since 1950’s where the average was 20).

Also, and this is simply my opinion, I do not understand the appeal of joining into a legal act that does not allow everyone to join. I am a firm believer in equal human rights. If everyone isn’t allowed to join the club, then I don’t want to. In fact, that brings me to an incredibly complicated and intricate question…
Why can’t gay people get married? Seriously. I don’t get it. Does not compute. If marriage were to be a strictly religious communion, then I could understand. This religion believes homosexuality is a sin. Therefore, if you are homosexual, you cannot be married. I can wrap my mind around this concept. I don’t agree, but I get it. However, marriage is a government supported legally documented union. If there are two legally aged consenting adults that would like to be married, then… they should. Period end of story your opinion is not valid.

I rest my case.

As stated before, I don’t judge or look down on anyone that is married or wanting to be married. If it’s something that you feel as though will make your life better and happier, then please do it. That is what life is about, striving for happiness. I guess my point is that in what I’ve seen, marriage tends to put an extraordinary amount of pressure on couples, and that pressure seems unnecessary. I believe two people can commit to one another without needing the law being involved. If the commitment does not last forever (which is fine, because that commitment alone is huge), it won’t cost both parties copious amounts of money to break apart. Divorce is scary and sad and on top of everything, it costs a fortune. Way to rub salt in the wound.

All in all, I don’t wanna, and you can’t make me!

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One thought on “First comes love, then comes…

  1. heygootz says:

    I like it abs and I’m so glad you aren’t married. And I agree with you, marriage and reasons for marriage have changed drastically since the modern conception of it. And all trends point to marriage phasing out or becoming less rigid. With respects to women, the age of first marriage is rising and less are choosing to marry. I think this is mainly do to labor force participation and education. Personally, I feel freer than my mother and grandmothers and I don’t see marriage on the near horizon. I feel too damn young, even though relatively speaking or biologically speaking I’m at my fertile domestic peak. We should all just marry each other, you know there is a tribe of women in Africa that got so damn tired of their husbands beating the shit out of them that they started their own tribe and no men are allowed. They are happier, healthier, safer (obviously) and more prosperous. Here’s to a world with more happy women.

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