Category Archives: Relationships

Come out come out wherever you are

Earlier today I had a wonderfully long, easy, fun conversation with Kacie, my best friend and fellow Vagenius.  A little back story for those who are unfamiliar with Kacie and I (pretty much the entire population besides Abby and Nan).

Kacie are I are the opposite sides of the same person.  I don’t feel completely myself if I’m not around her or I haven’t talked to her for a while.  When we do talk it feels as if my whole life was underwater and I am just now coming up for air.  She is my mental and spiritual oasis.  When we are together, whether literally or just through the magic of cell phones, I able to remember who am I; like she holds a mirror up to my soul so I can take a look at what’s missing or just to say hello.

Anywho, we were talking today and she was telling me about this person she has been spending time with.  He is a wonderful person, very kind, exciting, blah blah blah.  So she tells me that he Googled her name to see what came up, as one does when they need to find out about people.  I highly recommend doing this for anyone or anything.  For instance, did you know that when you Googled my name (it’s a secret) that you get a lot of sites about a French Erotica writer.  That’s right ladies and gents, I have the same name as a porn writer and SHE’S FRENCH!  So exciting.  Back to the story, Alina focus.

Well, he found this blog when he searched her name.  I couldn’t believe it, I had completely forgotten we started this thing almost 5 years ago!  And what an awesome name too, Vageniuses.  We had started this as a way to keep in touch with each other (I had just moved to Washington) and share things important to us with the most important people in our lives.  And it was so neat!  Going back through this blog and rereading our old posts was like digging up a time capsule.  Maybe people do this all the time with their social media sites like facebook and twitter or even instagram but I have none of those so this is really strange for me.  Hearing Kacie read to me things that I wrote was like hearing a different person.  Because we are all different people.  We’ve all been through more than any of us could have imagined in five years.  And how amazing is it that we can share with each other for everyone to see (or not).

So here I am Vagenuises.

Hands touching hands, reaching out, touching me. Sweet Caroline bah bah bah good times never seemed so good. So good! So good! So good!

If you are reading this and are thinking this lady is a lunatic then you’re probably right. JK YOU’RE crazy! Everyone loves that song!

But I know you have stories to tell and I want to hear them. So come on Kacie, Abby and Nan tell me something new.

 

I’m listening

 

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First comes love, then comes…

When I began dating my ex, I knew, even then, we would never get married. I knew we wouldn’t last forever. However, there was a moment, a year or so after being together that I looked at this person, the first person I had ever been in love with, and I thought (for some emotionally driven reason) Yes, we should get married and be in love and happily ever after the end. In fact, I don’t think anyone knows this except for he and I, but I proposed to him. I literally got on my knees and said we should be married one day. He said no.

I can hear you collectively ask, “You asked him to marry you, he said no, and you stayed together? For 3 more years?!” That sure is a judgmental tone you have there, nameless collective I’ve made up for this blog.
But yes, I thought of marriage as a mystical end all be all that young women are supposed to work toward. Tyler, as I said, is my first love, and naturally I assumed he was it for me. It’s been four months since the break up/move out/life change, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the night I asked him to legally and spiritually merge himself to me… forever. I’ve been thinking about this and I can’t express the happiness I have that he did say no.

Many people I know are married. My parents have been married since they were teenagers (literally), my sister is married, most of the people I work with are married, and so on. I have nothing against these people. If people want to be married, do it. I think it’s beautiful they have met someone so special they want to make a promise to only be with that one other person for the rest of the time they are alive. Myself, however, will probably not do it.

This statement will probably upset a lot of people, but here’s what I think. The concept of marriage is outdated. Extremely so. The idea of attaching yourself legally to one other person, promising to grow at the same rate, in the same way, not make a mistake with another person (even if it doesn’t feel like a mistake and feels natural)… FOREVER.

Glad to put this into perspective for you.

That’s a long ass time. It’s your entire life. The whole time you were given to live on this planet and experience absolutely everything you possibly can. And you are making an oath to do this with ONE other person. And what kills me is that a large number of people that marry (first marriage, that is), do it very early in life (the average age for women in the U.S. is 26 which has gone significantly up since 1950’s where the average was 20).

Also, and this is simply my opinion, I do not understand the appeal of joining into a legal act that does not allow everyone to join. I am a firm believer in equal human rights. If everyone isn’t allowed to join the club, then I don’t want to. In fact, that brings me to an incredibly complicated and intricate question…
Why can’t gay people get married? Seriously. I don’t get it. Does not compute. If marriage were to be a strictly religious communion, then I could understand. This religion believes homosexuality is a sin. Therefore, if you are homosexual, you cannot be married. I can wrap my mind around this concept. I don’t agree, but I get it. However, marriage is a government supported legally documented union. If there are two legally aged consenting adults that would like to be married, then… they should. Period end of story your opinion is not valid.

I rest my case.

As stated before, I don’t judge or look down on anyone that is married or wanting to be married. If it’s something that you feel as though will make your life better and happier, then please do it. That is what life is about, striving for happiness. I guess my point is that in what I’ve seen, marriage tends to put an extraordinary amount of pressure on couples, and that pressure seems unnecessary. I believe two people can commit to one another without needing the law being involved. If the commitment does not last forever (which is fine, because that commitment alone is huge), it won’t cost both parties copious amounts of money to break apart. Divorce is scary and sad and on top of everything, it costs a fortune. Way to rub salt in the wound.

All in all, I don’t wanna, and you can’t make me!